Ten Years of Brewing Against the Machine—Year 4 / 2019 / NEGLECT

Ten Years of Brewing Against the Machine—One Year at a Time
To celebrate a decade of Mad Priest we’re looking back—one year, one roast, one glorious mess at a time. This is the story of our evolution: through chaos and clarity, hustle and heresy, growth and grind. And maybe, just maybe, how we found a little balance in the brew. Each year we’ll reflect with a word that we feel encompassed who we were and what we were doing.

Let us reflect on the fourth year: the year of our Lord 2019 | NEGLECT

I’ve ironically been neglecting writing this email (started over 10 days ago). Once I got to this one, I immediately had writer’s block. Not necessarily because I couldn’t think of anything, but because it was just a really hard year. So, here we go…

Statistically, 50% of small businesses fail by their 5th year. And here we were in year 4 with a new location that was much more complicated than I had ever imagined, with no idea of what was on the horizon in March of the following year. Now, I didn’t know this at the time, and I clearly didn’t have a gauge for burnout or any other mental/emotional healthiness for that matter. So I just pressed on.

What made this year so difficult? And why did I choose the word neglect?

Externally, I was moving up and thriving (perceptionally, even to myself). We were “growing”. I now had a full cafe and bar. I had a great team. But something was seriously wrong.

And when you grow up not understanding emotion or how to feel and read your body, you don’t listen. Listening, whether with our ears or other parts of our mysterious incarnation, is a skill. It requires attention and practice, just like anything worth anything. So I didn’t hear it. The alcohol didn’t help, that’s for sure. Owning a bar makes it real easy to stay semi-numb almost around the clock. “But I am not drunk, I am certainly no alcoholic”... Mmmm, okay buddy. 

I neglected the roastery. I don’t even remember hardly being there at all throughout the year. 

I neglected the cafe, despite being there everyday and pouring my all in, by not listening to my team more.

I neglected my family under the guise of “start-up life” and the “hustle” of building a small business.

And I neglected myself. Self care certainly wasn’t in my vocabulary, and if anything, I mocked it as though my choice to work around the clock was the holy choice.

Of course none of this was intentional. That is the crazy part about our contribution to pain and suffering. Half of the time, our intentions are one thing, but we speak or act in a way that says otherwise. And then instead of hearing people and our cause to the disharmony, we hunker down in defense and justifications, or at least I did. So yes, intentions matter, but so does accepting how we have a tendency to fuck shit up thanks to our fickle insecure hearts. 

I tried. Really really hard. But maybe that is the lesson here. That our efforts alone, though they matter, are not the foundation which truly drives us forward in the wake of chaos and noise. And though hindsight I now see what I could or should have done differently, this mess is what led me here, and like most things, especially the hard ones, they teach us and lead us, if we let them. I can only apply said lessons to the now, and to future opportunities. 

Okay okay, enough sappy therapizing talk… we have to also discuss and acknowledge the GOOD. The FUN. Because despite all the above, there are some beautiful memories from that year, and I would like to share two to alleviate the heaviness and focus back on the positive.

In the summer, Tarig and I got to go to Austin for the Episcopal General Convention. We set up a booth partnered with Episcopal Migration Ministries, the parent org for Bridge Refugee Services – our local resettlement agency that we work with. The reason that trip was special was because I really wanted Tarig to have a chance to spread his wings and get out of the shop. Meet good people. Be inspired. Feel encouraged. It was our first trip together. 

As expected, we had a great time thanks to the amazing folks at EMM, and everyone we encountered was delightful, curious and engaging about Mad Priest (And of course, they all loved the name and branding – love Episcopals so much!). And now reflecting back on that time alongside Tarig’s recent naturalization, I have to say, this man has taught me a lot, and most of it has been without words… 

Later that year, for our one year anniversary, we hosted a badass party and weekend. As one would expect, we had a full weekend for the Great Triduum of All Hallow’s Eve, All saints and all souls days. I had always wanted to experience Dia De Los Muertos in Mexico (still on the bucket list) – so continuing in our desire to bring cultural experiences to Chattanooga, we partnered with several people from Mexico to bring it to our alleyway. We had a full blown Ofrenda, a bright and colorful multi-layered alter where one would bring images of their deceased loved ones to say prayers and welcome them for this unique event where the “veil thinned” between the living and dead. We had traditional dancers come up from Dalton. We had delicious food. It was a really neat evening, and one I am proud of and carry in my heart. 

Oh, and we can’t forget the pop-up van confessional we had available with an actual priest rotating hourly thanks to several local parishes from different denominations willing to participate. The line was there all night, and no, it wasn’t just for the free shot of whiskey they got afterwards (thanks to Chatt Whiskey). 

So it wasn’t just all gloom and doom. There were some beautiful moments from the year, and I think they need to be highlighted. Though the concept of “neglecting” something is heavy, and can be really hard to admit, more often than not, if we’re honest with ourselves, we can see how we can go there real easy. I don’t care how enlightened you are, this world is full of noise, and we can so easily get caught up in our own head with our narratives, filters and perceptions. It is a daily choice, just like any other “fruit of the spirit” like gentleness or love. My acknowledgement here is nothing more than a gift that I can observe and understand the past the best I can, but I still have to continue to choose intention, love and light, as we all do. 

What have you been neglecting? What have you been scared to face or be radically honest about? 

+Michael, High Priest

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