Ten Years of Brewing Against the Machine—Year 5 / 2020 / AWAKENING

Let us reflect on the fifth year: the year of our Lord 2020 | AWAKENING

If 2019 was a really hard year with a lot to reflect on, 2020 was, well, we all know. Where to even begin?

Sure, COVID is definitely a defining marker for that year, and it seems most of us, at least for several years, used COVID as a time marker. But honestly, it’s at the bottom of the list of things for what went on that year for me. Sure, it was a very defining reality for us, and hard decisions were made because of it, but as the word of the year insinuates, there was also an awakening. 

The year started off with my first origin trip to Guatemala. I was stoked! I love travelling, and I love coffee, so getting to visit several areas in Huehuetenango, meet farmers and learn from agronomists was quite the way to start the year, and was a fantastic experience overall. 

I then had the opportunity to get accepted into 10KSB, a small biz incubator in Boston. I was really enthusiastic to learn & make connections… but on the first in-person visit as we departed, folks started talking about some virus and how the program may be cancelled – the rest is history.

Very quickly, as with most people, a lot changed very fast. We couldn’t have people in the shop. I had to indefinitely layoff most everyone. I worked tirelessly to get PPP loans to help pay folks. We adapted as quickly as possible by getting creative with to-go orders, and as soon as the city passed “alcohol to go” we were driving coffee and cocktails all over town.

One highlight I really enjoyed was creating a cocktail competition with local bartenders. The top three sellers entered our “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” education challenge, with the top finalists winning money and education prizes. It was a really fun evening that kept the embers burning through the darkness of unknown. 

Then George Floyd happened. 

It can be hard to know our place in all this  mess. It’s not too different from what’s happening right now with our administration, ICE and the general feeling that fascism is right on our doorstep, and honestly, already here. But what is our role? I see a lot of people feeling really heavy and burdened now, just like then. I mean, I am too, but empathy can only extend so far, and there is such a thing as compassion fatigue. I feel these moments when shit seems to be extra smelly when hitting the fan (even though it’s always there, let’s be real) – we need to be reminded to turn our focus inward and then grow enough to have the ability make positive change in our surrounding community. Ok, soapbox over.

Then June came. And after lots of research and planning, I participated in an activity that changed my life. It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what it was. But to give ya a hint, it included the woods and fungi. 

This email isn’t the place to break this experience down, nor discuss the intricacies of a complex topic, but regardless, everything changed. My mind expanded. The fog lifted. It hit all at once like a freight train. I FELT my body, arguably for the first time in a long time. Ever maybe? And it was the most clear I had ever really felt honestly. This wasn’t working. My stress. The hustle. Striving without intention or understanding. Motivations more associated with acceptance than clarity & confidence (though it was confidence, err, arrogance, that was presented externally).

Almost immediately I made one of the hardest decisions in my entire life; I walked away. For a myriad of reasons, with COVID clearly in the driver’s seat.

And it didn’t matter how clear and necessary it was, there were several implications that I was truly afraid of. See, I wasn’t doing this alone. The bar became possible because of someone, someone who believed in me, saw the brand and vision, and took the risk. And I knew my decision would likely eradicate any likelihood of a future relationship. To this day, I feel things associated with this decision and experience. And I mourn that relationship regularly. 

The end of Cherry Street came. But my awakening began. First with the realization that life is just one big crucible of reactions and complex (or maybe not so complex) experiences that lead to pain and suffering. It’s guaranteed. Stop running from that reality. My evangelical upbringing definitely did NOT encourage this. No, we just focused on the future heavenly component and this world was just a broken mess that we can ignore causing serious emotional suppression. Life is fucking hard. End stop. So how will we let that truth shape and define us? This set me on one of the most beautiful unexpected journeys of my life. I began to allow the hard to repair me, instead of break me. You know, embrace the imperfections and growth, use that gold to fill in the cracks like the Kintsugi practice in Japan. Go listen to K-Pop Demon Hunters – stop hiding from your patterns. Embrace the hard. 

Things shifted obviously. 

Just a couple months later, something wild happened. Ben, our roaster at the time, and I, had the privilege to cup some competition Yemens from Qima. I had never had coffee so mindblowing. Especially lot #3. So we watched the Auction for fun. If you don’t know how coffee auctions work, essentially every bid resets the 2 minutes timer. And with 20+ lots and however many people participating, they can go for hours. After watching awhile, and knowing we couldn’t afford them, especially by that point (they were reaching $120+/LB) – something nudged me. You know, that feeling. Your gut… you know, the one I had done a great job ignoring and not understanding how to interpret. So I bid, more out of what I would later realize was just a dopamine seeking reaction (I’d finally get diagnosed with severe ADHD the next summer – boy was that a mindfuck at mid-30s). 

And right after that bid, I shit you not, the auction ended. Fuck. That wasn’t supposed to happen. I just committed to like, 100 or so lbs of a $140/lb coffee. Man that ADHD diagnoses couldn’t come fast enough. And yet, it’s these wild, usually impulsive, decisions that opened doors to where we are today. 

It all sold first off. Even at the crazy price we had to sell it for, which was break even. It launched a life long friendship with the amazing folks at Qima. And now we consistently carry literally some of the best coffee in the entire world. All because of a dumb joke. Or was it meant to be? Or does it even matter? Adapt. Flow. COVID plus winning a very high cost coffee (I am pretty sure it was the highest price paid for any Yemen coffee at the time) then launched our entire online platform which before, was just a few measly orders here and there to a full blown arm of the business that ships all over the world – thanks to so many of you beautiful disciples!

How do we want to define our lives? What narratives will we tell ourselves? Will we allow the hard to sharpen us? Personally, I have come to embrace it with joy. I am thankful for it, because to me, embracing it, sitting with it and allowing it to mold us, is one of the highest forms of the human experience. Oh, and to be clear, I still suck at it. But I am certainly improving. 

As Dr. Leo Marvin taught Bob Wiley, “Baby steps”.

+Michael, High Priest

P.S. Do you like what you’re reading? Do our values and our story resonate? Just share our coffee with friends & family. We’re not interested in participating in late stage Capitalism. We want to build a community of like minded people with coffee as the medium. Especially today when everything feels divided and connection feels harder to find.